Waving Through A Window
by glitteryroses
Summary: It has been 2 years since the Losers fought It, and Eddie Kaspbrak is now facing his toughest challenge yet: high school. Add social anxiety, a beautiful girl and a lie into the mix and what do we have...a recipe for disaster. Rated 'T' for language.
1. Chapter 1

**Hi guys! This is my first IT fic. I've seen the 2017 remake of IT four times now, the 1990 miniseries a few times, and I'm reading the book and I personally love it. This story is about Eddie's struggle with anxiety after defeating IT and learning that his medications are 'gazebos' ;) And who knows, there may even be time for love in Eddie's crazy life. This story is kind of based off 'Dear Evan Hansen." I feel that Eddie and Evan can relate in many situations. Anyway, enjoy x**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own 'IT' or recognizable characters, and I also don't own the songs or dialogue of 'Dear Evan Hansen.'**

Eddie Kaspbrak sat alone in his room, the only source of light coming from his laptop. A loud knock startles him and he slams his laptop shut as his mother enters the room.

"Hey Eddie bear. What are you up to?"

"Writing a letter to myself. Like doctor Brown said. To boost my confidence." Eddie said with mock enthusiasm.

Since Eddie had found out about his medications being placeboes a year ago, he and his mother had been attending therapy, where he had learned that the only reason his mother had given him fake medication was because his father died of cancer when Eddie was five because the doctors didn't pick up on it, and she was afraid to lose him. They were both slowly recovering, though, since Eddie had lived his whole life believing he was unwell, he found it a little hard to let go, and had since developed panic disorder, general anxiety and social anxiety. Over the past two years since defeating 'It', the Losers Club had become well aware of Eddie's mental condition, and try to help whenever they can, but despite their efforts, Eddie's anxiety seemed to be getting worse.

"Good. I don't want another year of you staying home every day because you think your friends don't like you."

"Yeah." Eddie sighed. "Me neither."

"Hey, I know. Why don't you go around and ask the other kids to sign your cast?"

Eddie looked at the blank cast on his left arm. He had fallen out of a tree while working at a Nature Reserve Centre over the summer.

"Yeah. That sounds…good."

His mom blew him a kiss and left, closing the door behind her. Eddie opened his laptop again and read his letter aloud to himself.

"Dear Eddie Kaspbrak,

Today is going to be an amazing day, and here's why. Because today, all you have to do is be yourself. But also confidant. That's important. And interesting. Easy to talk to. Approachable. But mostly be yourself. That's the big one. Number one. Be yourself. Be true to yourself.

Also, though, don't worry about weather your hands are going to get sweaty for no reason and you can't make it stop no matter what you do, because you're not going to get sweaty, so I don't even know why you're bringing it up, because its not going to happen.

I'm not even going to worry about it though, because seriously, it's not going to be like the time you had the perfect time to introduce yourself to Chloe Murphy at the classical band concert last year, when you waited afterward to tell her how good she was, and then you were going to pretend to be super casual like you didn't even know her name, like she would introduce yourself and you'd be like 'Wait, I'm sorry, I didn't hear you. Zoe, you said your name was Zoe?' and she'd be like, 'No, it's Chloe, I said Chloe.' And then you'd be like. 'Oh, I thought you said Zoe." But then you didn't even end up saying anything to her anyway, because you were scared that your hands were sweaty which they weren't that sweaty until you started worrying that they were sweaty, which made them sweaty, so you put them under the hand dryer in the bathroom, but then they were still sweaty, just now very warm as well.

Well, maybe this is your year. Tenth grade. And today, first day back, is a fresh start. No more running away from people.

Sincerely, your bestest and most dearest friend,

Me."

… **...**

Eddie took a deep breath and pushed open the front door of Derry High School. Asthma inhaler in hand, he slowly entered the place he feared most. School. He took a few puffs of his inhaler and relaxed a bit. Eddie looked around and could feel his palms getting sweaty. People were rushing around him. It was like he wasn't even there. Eddie hung his head in horror as he saw the school bully, Dylan Murphy, approaching him.

"What are you staring at?" Dylan yelled at the hunched teen.

"What?"

"Stop fucking staring at me."

"I'm not."

"You think I'm a freak?"

"No. I don't-"

"I'm not the freak."

"But I wasn't-"

"You're the fucking freak!" Dylan screeched in his face as he shoved Eddie to the ground.

 _I've learned to slam on the break_

 _Before I even turn the key_

 _Before I make the mistake_

 _Before I lead with the worst of me_

 _Give them no reason to stare_

 _No slipping up if you slip away_

 _So I got nothing to share_

 _No I got nothing to say_

 _Step out, step out of the sun_

 _If you keep getting burned_

 _Step out, step out of the sun_

 _Because you've learned_

 _On the outside always looking in_

 _Will I ever be more than I've always been_

 _Cause I'm tap, tap, tapping on the glass_

 _I'm waving through a window_

 _I try to speak but nobody can hear_

 _So I wait around for an answer to appear_

 _While I'm watch, watch, watching people pass_

 _I'm waving through a window_

 _Can anybody see? Is anybody waving back at me?_

Eddie pushed himself up off the floor as he saw Chloe Murphy quickly approaching him. He wiped his palms on his shirt.

"Hey, I saw my brother push you. Are you alright?"

"Um, y-yeah, fine."

"It's Eddie, right?"

"Eddie?"

"That's your name, isn't it?"

"Oh, yes. Eddie. It's Eddie. Sorry."

"Why are you sorry?"

"Well, just because you said Eddie, and then I said, I mean I repeated it, which is, like, that's so annoying when people do that."

"I'm Chloe"

"No, I know."

"You know?"

"No, I've just, I've seen you play violin in Classical band. I love classical music. Well, not all classical music. Defiantly Classical band classical music. That's so weird. I'm sorry."

"You apologize a lot."

"I'm sorry."

"You look really familiar..."

"Um, I think we were locker neighbors in eighth grade. Maybe. I don't know."

"That's right." Chloe snapped her fingers. "You didn't talk much in eighth grade"

"Probably because I had Post-Traumatic Stress after nearly being eaten by a clown." Eddie said under his breath.

"What was that?"

"Oh, nothing. Don't worry about it. It doesn't matter. Sorry, I talk too much."

"Well, I'll talk to you later"

"Okay. Bye. Sorry."

Eddie watched the girl of his dreams walk away, and felt his spirits sink.

 _We start with stars in our eyes_

 _We start believing that we belong_

 _But every sun doesn't rise_

 _And no one tells you where you went wrong_

 _Step out, step out of the sun_

 _If you keep getting burned_

 _Step out, step out of the sun_

 _Because you've learned, because you've learned_

 _On the outside always looking in_

 _Will I ever be more than I've always been_

 _Cause I'm tap, tap, tapping on the glass_

 _I'm waving through a window_

 _I try to speak but nobody can hear_

 _So I wait around for an answer to appear_

 _While I'm watch, watch, watching people pass_

 _I'm waving through a window_

 _Can anybody see? Is anybody waving back at me?_

"There he is! Eddie my man!"

Eddie turned suddenly at the sound of his name and smiled in relief as he saw Richie, Bill and Stan.

"Hey guys. I want to die."

"Wha-what is i-i-it this t-time?"

"I completely humiliated myself in front of Chloe!"

"What'd you do, get a massive boner?"

"B-beep beep, R-Richie."

"That's not funny Richie. I just want to crawl into a hole and die."

"It can't have been that bad," said Stan.

"Well unless you count blabbering on like an idiot about how you love classical music and how you already know her name and sounding like a stalker 'not that bad'."

"Well, while you were making a fool out of yourself in front of babe goals, we took the responsibility to get your timetable from the front office." said Richie, handing Eddie his timetable. Eddie only had time to scan it briefly before the bell rang.

"Come on Eh-Eddie, you ha-have English f-f-first with m-me." said Bill. Once the boys had found the correct classroom, Bill found seats in the very back row, knowing this was were Eddie preferred to sit.

"S-so how ha-ha-have you b-b-been going lately?"

Eddie sighed. "No improvement. I skipped dinner last night because mom was at work and I would have had to ring up and order something."

"B-but can't you d-d-do it all online n-now? You don't h-have to talk t-t-to anyone on the phone. I know you d-d-don't like the phone."

"Well, see, that's not entirely true. You have to talk to the delivery person when they come to the door. Then they have to make change. You have to stand there while its silent and they're counting the change. It's completely terrifying."

Bill just smiled at Eddie as the teacher walked in and began the lesson. This was where Eddie tuned out and started daydreaming.

"Eddie. Eddie, are you listening?"

Eddie snapped back into reality as he heard the teacher calling on him.

"Sorry Mrs Lake. What was the question?"

"I asked you to stand up and tell the class why you think that Shakespeare was the greatest poet and playwright of the sixteenth century."

Eddie felt his palms getting sweaty and could feel his breakfast rising in his throat. _"No."_ he thought to himself. _"You are not going to have a panic attack in the middle of class. You are NOT going to throw up in class. You're fine."_

"Um, okay." said Eddie, standing up. "Um, Sh-Shakespeare was the greatest poet because-"

Eddie felt the room start to spin. Everyone was looking at him. They were judging him. Everyone would laugh at him. He once again felt his breakfast threatening to make an appearance.

"Because, um, I have to leave."

Eddie bolted from the room and ran into the nearest bathroom. After dry heaving for a few minutes, he sat down and leaned against the cubical wall.

"Eh-Eh-Eddie?"

"Bill?" said Eddie, the cold air on his throat as he spoke triggering the heaving again. This time he felt Bill's hand on his back as he bought up his cornflakes.

When Eddie was done, Bill flushed the toilet and handed him a tissue.

"W-want to g-g-go to the n-nurse?"

"No. It's just a stupid panic attack." said Eddie, throwing the tissue into the toilet. "I can't believe I humiliated myself twice within the first hour of the school year. That has to be a record or something."

"It doesn't ma-matter. Who ca-cares about everyone else an-anyway?"

"I do."

"We-well, you shouldn't. I care ab-about you, as does Rh-Richie and Stan and Beh-Ben and Bev."

"Yeah, I guess." Eddie checked his timetable that he had screwed up in his pocket earlier. "At least I have Science now." Science was Eddie's favorite subject.

"Ughh, I ha-have math." said Bill as he helped Eddie stand. The bell rang, and the boys walked to their lockers together before parting. Eddie silently panicked when he saw Chloe standing outside the Science classroom on his timetable. Great, now he would have an allocated four hours per week of time to embarrass himself in front of her.

Chloe smiled when she saw Eddie. "Hey, Eddie. Are you in this class too?"

Eddie nodded. _"Say something!"_ he thought to himself. But it was too late. Chloe had already gone into the classroom. Sighing at his foolishness, Eddie trudged into class.

As Eddie walked into class, he saw Chloe sitting at the front, an empty seat next to her. _"No. You'll just embarrass yourself."_ Eddie continued walking to the back of the class and chose a seat in the back row.

 _On the outside always looking in_

 _Will I ever be more than I've always been?_

 _Cause I'm tap tap tapping on the glass_

 _I'm waving through a window_

 **There you have it! Thoughts? Should I continue this story? Also, should this story, should Bev's relationship be Benverly or Billverly?**


	2. Chapter 2

"Is this seat taken?"

Eddie looked up, and to both his delight and horror, saw Chloe Murphy pointing at the empty seat next to him. He shook his head numbly and took his bag off the seat to let her sit down.

' _Don't panic. Don't panic. Don't panic_ _ **.**_ _Don't-'_

"Ijustwantedtoapologiseforearlier." Eddie said in one breath. He always talked fast when he was nervous. And just being within five feet of Chloe Murphy made him nervous, let alone sitting next to her.

Chloe gave him an odd look. "What're you sorry for? I should be apologizing for my idiot brother."

"Well, um, I blabbered on like an idiot. Sorry. You make me nervous."

"I make you nervous?"

"No no, well, yes, but not you in particular, just people in general. I'm not a 'people' person. I have, like, five friends, and I'm only really close to two of them, and one of them only hangs out with me because I'm friends with her boyfriend. Great, now I'm word vomiting. Well, better than actual vomiting, like earlier. Oh gosh, I'm sorry, you didn't need to know that. I really am sorry. Now I'm blabbering on again. See, this is what I mean about people making me nervous and-"

"Eddie, Eddie, calm down. You're not blabbering on; you're expressing your feelings. It's healthy. And you counted wrong. You have six friends."

Eddie did a mental count "No, five. Bill, Richie, Stanley, Ben and Bev."

"And Chloe."

"Wait, you're my friend?"

"I mean, if you want me to be."

"No, I mean yes! Yes! Defiantly. I didn't think you'd want to be friends with me is all."

"Why wouldn't I want to be friends with you?"

"Well, because…because you're you and I'm…me?"

Chloe scoffed. "That's ridiculous, Eddie. Of course I want to be friends with you."

"Okay, well, thanks."

"Give me your phone."

"What?"

"You give me your phone, I put my number into it, you text me later…"

"Oh, right. Sorry."

Eddie pulled his phone out of his pocket and handed it to Chloe. She gave him her phone and he entered his number into it.

"Cool. I'll text you. Maybe we could hang out this weekend?"

"Yeah, that would be great. Um, my friends and I are going to the Quarry on Saturday if you want to come?"

"Sure. Sounds fun."

"Who knows, you may even become an honorary Loser too." Eddie said with a chuckle.

… **..…..xx….xx…**

"You did what?!"

"I-I invited her to hang out with us on Saturday. I didn't think you guys would mind. I'm sorry, I should have checked first, I'll tell her not to come if you want-"

"Eds, calm down. I didn't mean it like that. Of course she can come. I just still can't believe you talked to Chloe Murphy TWICE in one day AND got her number. You're on a roll, my friend." said Richie, taking a bite of Eddie's sandwich. "Ugh. How many times do I have to tell you to tell your mom I don't like mayo!"

"I told you not to call me 'Eds'." said Eddie, 'and give me that!" he snapped, snatching his sandwich back.

"Oh, you know you love it. So, Romeo, tell me more about how on Earth you got Chloe Murphy to sit next to you."

… **..xx…..xx…..**

Richie remembered the first time he saw Chloe Murphy. It was the first day of eighth grade, and her locker had been next to his. His first impression of her was that she was beautiful. Her curly, light brown hair reached down past her waist, and she had small but cute freckles painted across her nose and cheeks. That weekend, Eddie had come over to his house for a sleepover. It was that time of night where both boys were ready to unknowingly open up to anything, and Richie had decided to tell Eddie about his crush on Chloe.

"So. Any girls you fancy this year?" said Richie, playing it cool.

"Actually, yeah. There's this one girl in my Social Studies class. Chloe Murphy."

Richie was crushed. _'Pals before gals. Eds likes her. I'll just get over it.'_

Getting over it was hard though. Especially when Chloe kept trying to converse with him and invite him to her house. _'As much as I'd like to say yes, my best friend thinks you're hot, so I have to pretend I don't think you're hot, even though it's killing me on the inside.'_ But he couldn't say that. So, he went to Chloe Murphy's house, ate Chloe Murphy's cookies, patted Chloe Murphy's dog, watched Chloe Murphy's tv, went home, went back to school, switched lockers with Eddie and forgot about Chloe Murphy. Or at least tried to. Whenever Eddie slept over, all he wanted to talk about was Chloe.

"Did you see what she did with her hair?"

"Uh, no?"

"She dyed a few streaks indigo. It looks pretty…cool. Pretty cool."

Richie smirked. "Right."

"Do…do you think she'd ever go out with me?"

"Are you gonna ask her out!?"

"No no no. Just theoretically."

"Why wouldn't she?"

"Um, because she's the most popular girl in the ninth grade and I'm me. I'm awkward, antisocial, annoying, anxious, slightly depressed-"

"You're amazing, Eds. Any girl would be lucky to have you."

"Really?"

"Really."

Over time, Richie found it easier not to stare at Chloe whenever she passed. And eventually, he stopped thinking about her.

… **.…xx….xx…**

"So she juh-just started randomly tah-talking to you?"

"Pretty much. I actually managed to talk back, believe it or not, and only slightly made a fool of myself."

"I beh-better be your best ma-man at your wedding."

"Um, I believe that spot is reserved for me," said Richie, "you can be the maid of honor."

"Chloe Kaspbrak. It has a nice ring to it." Said Eddie.

"Yep. If it weren't for one thing, you guys would be the perfect couple." Said Richie.

"And just what would that one thing be?" questioned Eddie.

"Dylan Murphy."

"Oh yeah. I almost forgot about that douchebag."

"Who's a douchbag?" asked Bev as she and Ben joined the table.

"Dylan Murphy." Replied Eddie. "Oh where do I even begin to describe Dylan Murphy?"

Dylan Murphy was Chloe's older brother. He was in the eleventh grade, and was just about as bad as Henry Bowers had been. He probably smoked pot in the bathrooms during his free periods. Well, at least, he _looked_ like he smoked pot in his free periods. He looked nothing like Chloe. While Chloe was average height with light brown hair, porcelain skin, broad shoulders and thick thighs, Dylan was unnaturally tall, had shoulder length curly black hair that was usually pulled into a ponytail or a bun, sported olive skin and wore chipped, black nail polish on his fingernails. He always had dark circles under his eyes and he had a few scars on his wrists. Overall, it was hard to tell they were even related.

"The world would truly be a better place without that Dylan Murphy." Said Richie. **(A/N: I don't actually know anyone called Dylan Murphy, he is based off of Connor Murphy in Dear Evan Hansen.)**

They all agreed. After lunch, Eddie sat through Algebra and Social Studies and barely survived PE. He couldn't have been happier to hear the school bell ring.


End file.
